You only live once, so make it count....

Life is precious. 

I used to think anyone my age (39), was really old. I was here for a good time, not a long time. I crammed a lot of good times into my life before I was diagnosed with cancer. I saw a lot of the world’s beaches, bars and beach bars in my early and mid-twenties. I visited some of the most incredible natural wonders and magnificent temples on the planet. I was the self-titled 'Party Captain’ and I was invincible. 

Then, aged 29 after feeling kinda out of sorts for a few weeks, I found the lump. The few weeks between me finding the tumour and being given the earth shattering news were odd. There was a sense of knowing, the reality that 'live fast, die young' was maybe not what I really wanted from my time on earth. A realisation that I was actually mortal began to hit me. 

Totally uncharacteristically, I'd been struggling a little with my equilibrium. I'd been feeling unbalanced in my core, so the lump, and the diagnosis kind of made me feel happy again. My concern over my chakra imbalance had been vindicated and I had something tangible to focus on fixing. It was at this point, that despite an immense feeling of gratitude and satisfaction I had from having had such a trouble free and adventure packed life, that I wanted to live for a good time AND a long time.

The greatest gift that cancer has given me is the knowledge that you only live once, so make it count, do it right, make lasting positive change and laugh, a lot. It’s no secret that I’ve deviated from this path in the past 10 years, but on the whole I’ve been here for a good time and 10 years longer than most people thought I would be. So far, so good then.

Now though, now there’s so much more to live for, so much love in room, the awareness of my mortality is stronger again. The concerns that maybe I won’t see the boys grow up, leave that positive legacy behind or let Fi make an honest man of me are permeating my mind. What if my nemesis throws another roll of the dice to bring me to my knees once more?

I have this image in my mind, one of Fi and I holding hands on the beach as old timers, just kicking sand and watching the sun fall over the horizon. It’s so vivid that I use it to remind me that until this dream is lived, I’ll be here, I’ll be fighting on and I’ll be working towards that moment.

Life is precious, don’t waste it hating and full of greed. Don't lay idle and apathetic. Spend it creating, loving and sharing….

One love

Jez

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