You can't win the lottery if you don't play the game.....

Bank Holiday weekend apparently...

This past few days has brought a whole new meaning to 'all-nighter' for me. I'm happy to say that despite the disrupted sleep and virtually housebound existence, our spirits are absolutely as high as possible. I love these little men, they're just a wonder to behold. 

Reality is very much dropping by to say hello tomorrow morning, as I mount the train for an 8:30am meeting in Bath. I'll be home by 11am though, ready to integrate back into the team. One thing we've managed to do really well so far is work as a unit, as a team. We're trying to make sure we stick to the plan, which is ultimately to survive the next few weeks without melting down. 6 days in and we really couldn't have asked for a more perfect start to parenthood. We're very lucky, but I always say that we create our own luck. Our reality is created first in our minds, then in our behaviours and then they become our reality. You can't win the lottery if you don't believe it’s possible or if you don’t play the game...

We're playing the game right now. It's not easy and we're still in a bubble of love and painkillers, but we've started strong and it feels like there's a momentum of love around us. The messages, cards, calls and tweets of congratulations and support have, at times, been overwhelming. It feels like the Karma Sponge, which has been saving up its droplets of wonder for some time, is raining it's magic water finally. With the boundless love we’ve had, we’re incredibly strong. Outside of this house, there's a lot of work to be done to ensure these beautiful people maintain a roof over their heads, I'm very much aware that I've taken my foot of the gas this month in order to concentrate on the safe arrival of the twins. However, they're needy, they're consumers of the highest order, they need me to provide for them and there's no way I can allow myself to let them down. 

I can’t see my personal physical needs being tended to as I’d like now or for the foreseeable future either. I’m in more pain this week in my foot than I have been for ages, but it has dropped a long way down the priority list. I think the self-reparation of my holey flap has slowed to virtually nothing and therefore needs the operation booking in, but when? I have no choice other than to march forward with other things, which is interesting, because 6 months ago my whole being was utterly dominated by my health and forcing the further operations as quickly as possible. Now, in this moment, there’s a bigger force pushing me into a much more altruistic path. I know this is the definitive time of my life so far, that every decision I make has to be one that I believe in morally and emotionally.

I live by the philosophy that if I make a decision with pure intent, I must never have regrets, whatever the outcome. But, if I choose a selfish path, whatever the outcome, it’s not truly possible to enjoy the spoils. I have a few regrets, but on the whole I like to think I can stand pretty tall and look back on my impact on the universe as a positive one, and that’s Ok I guess. There’s so much more to achieve, but for now I feel an inner peace that won’t be broken, not with my boys and my girl making me feel this unbreakable.

One Love

Jez

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