Tramadol days....

Alrighty.

I'm getting bored now so I must be on the mend. Watched 5 episodes of Dexter and 2 of The Wire since yesterday afternoon. Even went for a 'walk; with Fi that was about 30 yards. Nearly killied me mind, my leg is on fire and the 100mg of Tramadol they gave my with lunch (cunning ploy to distract from the food) had me floating, then gouching, then sleeping. Fi said she was here 20 mins before I noticed her, which I find hard to believe because I didn't go to sleep, honest.

The skin graft at the top of my leg is hurting more now, as is my head generally. Getting all sorts of shooting pains and tingles and weird sensations. My left ear is still numb, as it most of the left hand side of my face, but I can feel the nerves starting to reconnect. Had a good stare in the mirror and I'm one fat faced f**k irght now. Blimey, I look like Frank Sidebottom, kinda sound like him too.

My voice is improving though. It's odd to think I can talk now without my Obturator. over 9 years of being unable to speak without a massive prosthetic and I'm already maybe 60% normal sounding (I think). I think today I crossed the threshold of regret, in that I can see I'm going to be fine and it'll be worth it. I can see that my quality of life is going to improve loads physically. It's funny how you adapt to change, how verstatile we are when we need to be. All the compromises and adjustments I'd made on a daily basis for over 9 years had such an impact on how I lived my life, ate, drank, etc and I kind of just got on with it. Then I started to think about it, address it and then talk incessently (to you lot) about it and it really hit me that this operation needed to happen because I shouldn't be suffering ulcers the size of walnuts every time I get a cold, or avoiding eating anything with pips in (berries, seeds, breads), to stop irritation on my pallet, or drinking every sip of liquid with my head tilted back so it doesn't run out of my nose etc. You get the picture, compromise is tollerated and becomes 'normal' after a while. I had to learn how to swallow conciously by using different muscles in my throat because I only had half of my soft pallet left for Christs sake! 

I can swallow better today than for the whole of the last 9 years. Not sure I think, but it feels like my swallowing is doing what it used to do. Just swallowing. 

This is a very strange time. Something very significant is happening. I don't know where it'll end up, but Homeland is my immediate need so I'll continue my chain of randomness shortly..

One Love

Jez

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