Stamina where did you go?

Afternoon.

I like to think of myself as a man with stamina. I might not be the fastest mover on the dance floor, but I'm always still there at the bitter end. I have the least stamina ever though right now. Went to the hospital in Bristol this morning and by the time I'd got from the front door to the waiting room I was virtually hyperventilating and blacking out. This is most unusual and I'm assuming that in addition to crutches being more energy consuming than walking, that I'm still full of drugs from the operation. Maybe my body is focussing itself on reparing the holes and that's using my physical endurance whilst I'm sat still. I'm not sure, but I hope I regain some strength soon, this is rubbish. 

I've noticed that where the flap is stitched at the back, on my soft pallet, there appears to be a gap. I've been running my tongue around it all day because I feels odd. This was compounded by my brother in law when he came around this afternoon and pointed it out from a visual point of view. The flap itself looks healthy, it's gone pink and feels warm etc, but I think the stitches may have come adrift at the back, which will mean more surgery. No appointment in London for a week either so I'll be sitting on these thoughts for a while, which is nice...

I think the pain in my mouth generally is less today. Still really sore between my lip and gum, where I still have nerves. It's hot in there too, which probably means there's some mild infection. Corsydyl is being abused in huge amounts in this house, thnkfully Royal Marsden stocked my up with a few bottles. Not being able to brush my teeth sucks, but I assume the rubbing of sponges/swilling in Corsydyl etc are compensating plenty. 

Still no improvement in the feeling in my foot, but i'm putting ever more pressure on it. It feels weirdly weak but considering i couldn't even get it near the floor a week ago, I think it's on track for me to be walking around with maybe just a stick in a couple of weeks. Quite looking forward to looking for a cool walking stick with a secret compartment for a little nip of rum in it. 

In the subject of booze, I'm dying for a beer. Not going to have one as it'll not be good for me in this pathetic state. 1 pint and a few tramadols and I'll be Victoria parks latest data rape victim without even meeting the rapist. Maybe in a couple of weeks if I get off the crutches and painkillers by then. It's Christmas after all!

My brain is disolving into mush. Daytime TV isn't driving as mental as before. The best of Jeremy Kyle that's showing this week is amazing, ITV should be ashamed of themselves for putting these poor people through such torture though. Kyle is a rotter, one of life's tormentors, how he's allowed to spit his vile rhetoric at these impoverished, clueless people is beyond me. Be nice, that's all we have to do to make the world a better groove. Be nice. 

Ouch... this shooting pain in my cheek is nasty. It woke my up a few times last night, it just hits for a couple of seconds and goes again. Weirdly had a very similar symptom last time, but that was to have things removed not to have them added in. Maybe they're phantom pains and I need to psychiatric help?

District nurse is coming tomorrow. She's changing my leg dressing and removing my neck stitches. You'd think I was 84 years old and have gout. I had to call them this afternoon 4 times, eventually got a rather sharp call back and was told the visit would be sometime between 9-5 tomorrow and they couldn't narrow it down. Very helpful, thanks. Good job I'm 84 and suffering from Gout so I have nothing more to do with my time. 

One love

Jez

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