Sobriety...

So, from this moment forward I'm figuring a complete lack of toxins in my sytem has to be the way to approach this situation. I have developed a cough and cold in the past 24 hours, which I've clearly aided and abetted though a lack of sleep and too much socialising. Foolish, all things considered.

8 sleeps until the op and everything is getting real. It feels like the countdown is really on now and I need to tidy up as many things as possible this coming week, which includes a trip to the North for some sober social and a couple of potential meetings. Keeping busy feels like the right thing to be doing, but I also need to spend some much needed quality time with Fi as we've not seen each other for nearly a week and we both need to be in each others space right now really. Home tomorrow afternoon though, so that's cool.

Quite upbeat at the prospect of winning the 5-a-side league game tomorrow night. If we get a point we'll win the league with 3 games to play and it'll be my last game for a very long time. Has an air of closure about it that would be really rewarding considering we finished bottom of this league last season with only 1 win. Same players, just playing as a team rather than individuals. I suppose our sum have become greater than our individual parts.

I've got a feeling I won't sleep much this week. My mind is racing, over active, trying to create control over my destiny, but struggling because of the lack of definitives. The spectre of worrying about cancer is starting to bubble up too, maybe being back in Brighton, covering old ground is reminding me of the dark days post diagnosis. I'm asking so many questions in my head that I don't know the answers too, not just about the operation, but probably all brought into the fore because of it. The desire to want finality on stuff is probably a natural reaction, but pretty annoying all the same as I'm usually a lot more composed than this. 

So, detoxification of the body should hopefully bring peace to my soul over the coming few days (and nights). We'll see though, I suspect this story will take a few more twists and turns yet. 

One love

Jez

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