"Only unconditional, embracing love creates happiness....x"

Hi everyone.

It's my 11th Canniversary eve eve, so my head is (as always at this time of year) full of all kinds of crazy thoughts. Love & Shangri-La, Fear & Uncertainty. 11 years since they dumped a 38mm diameter chunk of poisonous, lethal flesh from my mouth and changed my whole purpose and zest for living.

I’ve been considering my overall sense of wellbeing and happiness. I’d say on the whole I’m a pretty happy chappy, I laugh a lot, I feel I’ve picked up a pretty healthy understanding of who I am, or rather who I’d like to be, nay, who I would like people to think I am. It’s becoming more and more obvious to me that happiness is not something you can ever successfully pursue as if it’s a purchase, or an achievement.

Happiness can only be achieved through inner peace and the desire to create peace and happiness in the whole of humanity. Happiness is not an emotion a selfish, or greedy man will ever truly experience. This past week or so I’ve had a couple of chance meeting and moments of realisation that have made me think inwardly about the direction I’m travelling in. My trajectory is a little off kilter, that much I’m very aware of.

I’m still searching you see. I’m still chasing that utopic enlightenment that warms the very centre of my being. Chasing what I think will make me ‘happy’, but missing completely the reason I’m always chasing. Desiring something is a selfish act, happiness cannot be mine, or yours, through selfishness and the burning desire to own it. Money does not buy happiness. Cancer has played its part in my ability to comprehend true happiness. But only unconditional, embracing love creates happiness.

I get the feeling that this next few weeks could be extremely poignant for me. The reshaping of my core and a definitive redirection of my spirit beckon. It feels like it’s me that is now being called rather than me calling out. I feel more thankful, more gracious and more forgiving than I have for a while. This I know is a significant opportunity to more into the new phase of living, of giving.

Back on track? Not yet, but I never said I was anything other than ‘work in progress’…..

One love

Jez

x