Not weeks, not months, just daze…...x

From weeks, to months, to weeks, to days….

This is how we talk about the pregnancy timescale. We start of counting up the weeks, then the months. We then count down in weeks and now, finally in days. It feels like this experience has lasted for years, not only 8 short months. I guess they say that time flies when you’re having fun, so maybe the elongated distortion of the weeks is a tell tale sign of how gruelling this passage of time has been for me.

I suspect time will now accelerate out of control as I treasure the moments more, trying to keep them in the here and now. I wonder why a watched kettle never boils, what warps the mind so much that the good times roll by in a flash and the traumas feel like the arms are rolling anti-clockwise…

I’m off to Royal Marsden again today (Wednesday). We need to have a serious conversation about the state of my health. My foot is rubbish, 7 months on and I can’t wear sneakers. I tried on Sunday, dusted off the Air Max 1’s and within 5 mins was in pain that didn’t subside until Monday evening. My face is still swollen, and it’s still waking me up in the night with spikes of pain. The veneers are minging and smells like a tramps arse crack. And I can’t talk properly, there’s still a gaping hole at the back of my mouth that is rendering me impaired for many things that most of us take for granted.

If he asks me if I think this operation has been a success I’ll have to ask him if he’s having a bubble, because quite frankly my quality of life physically has never been worse.

7 months is a little too long to still be without any feeling across half of my left foot, other than the pain in my bone. This wasn’t part of the deal and it’s the one thing I need sorting more than anything else. I wonder what’ll come of this trip to Trumpton tomorrow.

I’m Ok though I guess, I’m pressing on, moving and grooving and turning the wheels of life just enough to keep the plates spinning and my face grinning. After all, I’ve got a couple of things that will distract me from my own issues arriving literally in days. Not weeks, not months, just daze….

One Love

Jez

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