"my chaos is a wonderful, unpredictable ball of inner peace…"

Hi strangers, 

I'm Jez, for the past couple of months I've mostly been (as Bob Nesta once said), 'Fighting for Survival'. The trip has been heavy, but the journey is often more enlightening and memorable than the destination I guess. 

Rooney and Phoenix returned, along with the most brutal face-ache and self pity I’ve ever had. How sad I’ve been, just holding it together, grinding it out and wondering where that cool Jez had gone.

In this past 24 hours or so, which has truly been one of the most bizarre chain of events (involving media attention, the police, violence, a car crash, some very difficult decisions, sick kids (for 2 months and counting) and a smattering of just bad luck), I’ve come to a point of Zen-like calm. The daily grind, the small wars on my smile and why me syndrome just got blown right out of my system.

Funny how such a pattern of total chaos can produce a sense of inner peace. I’ve been referred to as a ball of chaos before when being challenged by a deemed superior in the workplace. I took it as a compliment, which I’m not entirely sure was the expected retort to what was a well considered mid-appraisal insult.

Chaos then is quite possibly my linear and predictable turbulence. It’s not just me though, surely Chaos Theory denotes us, it’s just that some of us battle our natural delineation of chaotic pinball. Personally, I like to feel like I’m not social, professionally or morally conditioned by ‘The Man’, by my boss who has to remind me she’s my ‘manager’ in order to subliminally remind me that she’ll never be my leader.

Chaos Theory, I’m in. Bring me more of the Blackest of Fridays. My idle mind is a destructive force. Throw your shit Universe; it’ll never stick because my chaos is a wonderful, unpredictable ball of inner peace…

One Love

Jez

x