I’m buzzing, totally and utterly high on my own supply….x

Well, what can I say?

Right now, I’m just the most awestruck proud daddy ever ever ever. I’ve been to some pretty breathtaking places, done some incredible things, lived my life with many extremes, but I’ve never had a feeling so pure and uncompromised as this.

Felix (7lb 5oz) and Rudy (5lb 15oz) were born into this beautiful world yesterday afternoon. Mum is doing an amazing job, the boys are just the most wonderful gift, dad is pretty much invincible.

I’m sure that me writing a gushing tribute to my baby mother and my babies is the most predictable thing I could be doing right now, but this blog is almost always written off the cuff with only my current ‘thoughts of the day’ dumped into the mix and today is all about the faaaamily….

I have to leave the hospital at 9pm every night. I’ve been away from Fi and the kids for about an hour and a half and we’ve spoken on the phone twice already and will do again tonight I’m sure. It’s like falling in love all over again, finding the smallest of excuses to make contact, just to find out what’s happened in the 17 minutes since we last spoke.

Falling in love is one of life’s most glorious pleasures, it’s short lived as a rule, but it’s a heady, beautiful out of control feeling that can only be imitated, never equalled.

It’s gonna be tough mind, Fi hasn’t really slept since 7am yesterday morning and she has 2 extra hungry mouths to feed overnight too bless her. It’s tricky wanting to be involved, but not having tasty enough tits. I guess we all have roles in life and some things are for mums only. I’m keen though, I want to be involved at every level. A few dads I know have told me to make sure Fi manages to breastfeed just so I can distance myself from feeding duty. This is the last thing on my agenda, I desperately want Fi to start expressing so I can be the provider of fuel and nourishment too. Of course, 2 weeks from now I’ll probably be one of the dads that needs the sleep, time will tell.

Something amazing happened to me this morning. For 10 years the first thing I’ve thought of when I’ve woken up has been cancer. Every day without fail, it hits me before anything else. Not today, today I just thought of those boys, swiftly followed by the realisation that I’ve finally found something to take my mind off my dark spectre. Long may it continue I say, because waking up with a hangover and a smile on my face is a darn fine to start the day!

I don’t really know how I’ll get to sleep tonight, I’m buzzing, totally and utterly high on my own supply….

One Love

Jez

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