"I see dead people everywhere, sadly most of them are still alive...."

It's Friday, yay!!

It's Friday, ooh how I need a drink or 10 because "after the week I've had, I deserve it". 

Interesting; the cycle of wishing our lives away from Monday morning to Friday afternoon and wanting it to constantly rewind between Friday night and Sunday night. Dead from the neck up until Wednesday lunchtime when we realise it's 'Humpday' and the new weekend is closer to us than the last one and all the fear and regret disappears, replaced with planning and anticipation of the next chapter of self imposed oblivion...

This is not how I live, of course, just a good friend of mine who wondered how to break the cycle. Ahem...

Actually, it's not the way i live anymore, but i spent many years existing in this manner and I only have to look at my Twitter or Facebook feeds to see that this is pretty much a rite of passage until something more fulfilling is achieved. Barely existing for half of our lives, living like there's not tomorrow the rest of the time.

I see dead people everywhere, sadly most of them are still alive. Merely existing is NOT living, it's a travesty. Don't get me wrong, I love Friday's too and I love that 'one pint' to unwind that is never ever just 'one pint'. But, I don't dread Mondays, I don't live in fear of the unknown. Cancer has taken a lot from me. It makes me more emotionally vulnerable, it has stripped me of some of the qualities I pretend still bestow me, but it also gives a little too. It gives perspective, it helps me get through life without worrying about being stuck on a broken down train whilst everyone around me is huffing and puffing, trying to gain eye contact with another mutually pissed off passenger in order to gain some kind of camaraderie.

It also, more than anything, has taught me that living as a victim of it, or any aspect of my past, is futile. Whimpering in the corner because someone nicked my ice-cream when i was 10 years old is never going to help me today, neither is blaming cancer for my lack of confidence, drive, ambition or achievement today. In the same vein, I don't live today just to map out the next 50 years of my life. I don't have a pension. I don't have anything equitable to speak of really. I know I'll be happy in my old age, I know this because I've learned, through cancer, that living is something that has to happen today. Living is not about sitting on a pile of ill gotten gains and rubbing your hands together. Living is laughing,  loving, dancing & sharing.

Be honest, how much time do you spend worrying about things you have no control over? How much time, in the present, do you spend cursing the past? Too much time, that's how much. Right now, this is your moment, this is our moment and it's the most important time of our lives. I'm living my life in the present, I'm walking around with my eyes wide open, because the past matters not and tomorrow will be brighter because today has been truly lived. This much I know, so enjoy your weekend and enjoy your weekdays, each one is brand new and each one is your own unique moment in time...

One Love

Jez

x