"Big Daddy's Total Parenting Ltd"

It's all quiet on the South-Western Front finally...

I've sneaked off into the spare room to let the rest of the family catch flies for a little while. I'm feeling pretty spaced out, I'm pretty good running on minimal sleep as a rule though, so I'm hoping I'll ride these next few weeks out without losing the plot completely.

This love is real love. Those boys have taken over my whole soul, my every heartbeat. I've ticked every box on the cliché checklist, from “Ooh look at his little hand grabbing my finger” to “He’s got my nose” to dry retching at the first nappy and then cracking on with them from that moment stating “When it’s your own, it doesn’t matter”….

Those little men have made me feel so strong though, I feel like I know what I’m doing, like they have my lineage and therefore I feel their pain, share their fears and understand, far better than the doctors and consultants what’s best for them. We had a little run in with one of the paediatricians, he was being a fool, I let him know so, he kinda ran away all sheepish and came back the next morning and confirmed that Felix’ heart murmur had disappeared and the ECG he had to go through 3 times because the so called expert didn’t know how to use the machine, was a complete waste of time and stress on the baby. So now I’m superhuman, I know everything there is to know about parenting, which is pretty handy actually.

I’m going to start another new company I think. ‘Big Daddy’s Total Parenting Ltd’ will show other guys who were previously frightened of all babies or anything resembling a dirty nappy how to become SuperDad in 48 hours. I think I’ll make my legacy resonate for generations…

I jest of course. You and I both know that without Fi’s incredible talent as a mother I’d be found out as a charlatan within minutes. Let’s keep this top secret though because I don’t think she’s realised just how much she’s carrying my sorry ass just yet and I’m dreading the moment my buffoonery is unravelled in front of her eyes…

One Love

Jez

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