"3 months in the hole. A rather hypocritical self imposed blogging exile…"

3 months in the hole. A rather hypocritical self imposed blogging exile…

So, I guess I’ve lost a lot of my regular readers. You may be the only one left. I’ve not dropped any bloggery knowledge for exactly 3 months. During which time, more so recently than initially, I’ve discovered the identity of my silent readers. People I love and respect, people I’ve never met and people I have struggled personally with have asked me what happened to the blog and every single one has been very kind about it.

Why Jez, why? Well, I’ve been in a rollercoaster place. In all honesty I’ve looked at this blog a number of times and not had the heart to put virtual pen to cyber paper for want of not wanting to be insincere. The vibes on here have been generally very positive. I’ve been finding myself and pushing my new found zest for love, life and living in this moment with such confidence and belief that finding myself struggling to follow my own advice. Writing about basically being a twat who has had enough of being in pain every day and struggling to be polite and have faith in humanity never mind ‘Be Nice’ to people is not really the image I’ve been creating and therefore my ego would be compromised.

There you have it. Unapologetic egomania with a dash of chaos and self pity = no blog, which is quite possibly the worst thing I could have done. I set this website up so I could talk about my state of mind after learning the hard way that pushing all the morbid darkness away into the depths of my mind is a really bad idea.

It does go to show though that we’re all flawed, we’re all complicated, we’re all ‘human’.  I’ve been on holiday for 3 days and in just this short time I’ve had some of the best moments I’ve had for ages. Tonight we chased a sunset all the way over the top of a mountain because we could. Not sure the boys enjoyed the hairpins on the mountain as much as I did but we chased and we caught the sun dropping over the ocean and I had a moment, just one of those beautiful moments that will never escape us, not only because Fi got a shot of it on her iPhone either, because chasing sunsets is one of my favourite things and I haven’t done it for donkeys years.

Right now, right here, this moment, we got the love and I can feel my mojo rising. There are some very difficult weeks imminent and I’ve been wondering how I’m going to face the darkness. I now know, nay; I now remember that the only thing that ends darkness is light. Every morning, the sunrise banishes the night. So, I’ve got to take on these demons with wide bright eyes and my eternal sense of optimism. I’ve made peace with myself in this past few days, peace is my critical mass. I’m now limbering up and asking the universe to bring it on, open itself up and bring the noise because I’m back by popular demand (or so my ego leads me to believe)…

One love

Jez

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