"the darkness cannot fight my sunrise...."

Unusually, It's Friday evening and I'm home alone avec Môn petit garcons,

Mums out swapping clothes with other twin mums'. Boys are winding down with a curry and a beer, wondering how this week became so intense. 

I'm guessing that this time of year will always be a tad reflective for me. This time last year I really had no idea what was about to happen to me, that I'd be sat here tonight having dealt with the definitive year in my life, the game changing 12 months. This week has seen broken records in the fundraising game; broken promises in the physical recovery stakes and broken relationships resurface with intent. 

I'm happy though. I'm happy that in all of this, I'm in the midst of a transformation that cannot be stopped, delayed or even distracted. I'm not in control of this magnetic force that is pulling me into my brave new world, I'm clinging on to the coat tails of my fated ride and I'm more than content to see where the looping rollercoaster pulls to a pause for breath. 

Forgiveness is still really at the forefront of my mind. I feel quite untouchable and a total oneness when I forgive, let the demons take a bite and smile back. Demons feed on fear, aggression and panic. Apathy, a smile or a helping hand help the demon find its own peace, it's own kindred spirit and in turn helps me enjoy a less turbulent and more fulfilling existence. Peace resonates, only love can drive out hate, not hate, not revenge, not fear. Light drives out darkness, the light is forgiveness, the darkness cannot fight my sunrise.

There have been some pretty heavy moments in my, frankly, bizarre 39 year existence. I can’t really summarise what ‘type’ of life I’ve had, other than to say I woudn’t swap it for the world. Bar maybe Gazza, I could be Gazza and I could have fulfilled my potential and made the nation be happy and secure in the knowledge I was safe and happy rather than within a whisker of losing my troubled life to booze, drugs and depression. Well, I gave up depression anyway (Joking mum, I’ve never done ANYTHING illegal, ever, honest..)

I’m off to see my mum tomorrow. It’s been too long, this last couple of months have been tough, busy, challenging, angsty even. I need a hug from my old mum. She’ll forgive me for anything I do, which is a good thing because I’ve put her though some serious shit over the years. Forgiveness you see, freedom is in our hearts and it’s manifested through forgiveness and love and the simple words ‘Be Nice’, don’t forget ‘Be Nice’ y’all, we should be the generation who change this planet from ugly into beautiful through ‘Be Nice’. I’m keen, you in?

One Love

Jez

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