"I’d rather die young and free than old and a prisoner in my own skin..."

Evening lovers

Another extended absence since my last bloggers’ delight. Plenty happening, but largely stuff that shouldn’t be discussed in detail on here. Some good stuff, some tough stuff and some of the ever present chaos. 

It's a year today since I started writing this blog. Just thinking about this fact is making me feel emotional. I left my beloved job a year and 2 weeks ago, Ta-Da! Media Ltd was a year old last week, it was a year today since I decided this website would be a positive motion in my life, in 2 weeks it'll be a year since I went into hospital. And so it continues...

One year today since my first blog entry. Very nearly 50,000 hits and 2000 regular readers. Still going, maybe not quite so strong, but this is now very much part of the fabric of my being.

I'm writing about forgiveness today. Because I have pretty much come to the conclusion that whatever wrongs life or people throw at you. However distressing those negative forces can be, you can only really move on without dragging a caravan of self pity and with total inner peace through forgiveness. 

For me, every broken relationship remains so until that Zen like state of forgiveness is reached. Forgiveness doesn't excuse or endorse the behaviour of the wrong doer; this isn't what I'm saying. My belief is that for my own sake, for me to be able to focus on the most important things in my life, such as my family, my physical health and my emotional wealth, its imperative that I reach forgiveness for all of those people and acts of the Universe that have thrown their dice of malice at me with such venom. People, cancer, laws and economic climates, I forgive you and all you are. It doesn't mean I like you, hold you in any form of esteem or want to have you in my life as anything more than a distant memory. I forgive you because I need to leave you behind and be the man I aspire to be.

The methodology I’ve been trying to work with over this past year around the existential and present tense thinking of many of the great leaders (in my opinion), is that every obstacle, every swerve ball is not a negative attack, or something to slow me down. Everything is an experience from which to learn how to live today, in the moment and without fear. The past shouldn’t close our hearts, the future shouldn’t dominate our plans. Without freedom in the present, this moment, we have no life anyway.

We work to buy health care, we then need healthcare to work because we strived to protect ourselves from ourselves. We miss these beautiful moments working for the unknown, never arriving tomorrow, loathing in fear of yesterdays mistakes. I’m not worrying any more, it’s a wasted emotion. All is forgiven, life is too short. One thing this past year of online documentation has told us all is that life is far too short to be living with the burden of grudge or the plotting of revenge.

I hope you’ve enjoyed, agreed, but mostly forgiven me for my ramblings over the past year. You will never know how humbled I’ve been by the support and continued increase in readership that I’m receiving, despite the lack of new material.

My heart is on my sleeve, I’ve actually got a tear running down my cheek. A tear of freedom. I’d rather die young and free than old and a prisoner in my own skin.

One love

Jez

x