There's no fool like a happy fool.....

Saturday in the Big Daddy House...

Alright friends and fiends, how's it diddling? 

I have to say that the more I think about this week and it's significance, the more I feel a sense of achievement and peace. All week I've been hanging out with people I want to be with. My mum, my meetings, my friends (old and new) and my lover. All have been on great form and have instilled confidence and warmth into my addled soul. 

This wouldn't have happened without my input, this much I am aware of. So what did I do to provoke such gaiety and positive motions? I've been thinking about it and although I'm not sure, I think this blog has been key. You see, everyone I met across all the corners of the country have been reading. I think with my recent history, it helps everyone know where I'm at before I arrive and splutter my story. I'm able to explain where I'm at without fear of breaking down myself or upsetting other people. With all parties aware of where I'm at, we can crack on to the next level, which is to mock and berate me for ever thinking things could possibly go to plan and just how far from the plan everything has deviated thus far...

I need not go into detail, but I didn't think I'd be sitting here on 12th January with my current dynamics laid out in front of me when I decided to go at it hell for leather a few months ago. I guess I'm an idealist and when I get an ideal in my mind I assume that the course is set for it to become a reality. The number of times the ideal actually realises itself is close to zero, so I'm wondering why I fall for my own patter so often. But, that's the role if the idealist isn't it? I want to believe that the Universe is always going to fulfil those dreams and philosophies in the manner in which I've projected. I like being an idealist though; it makes me happy to assume that things are going to be fine and dandy. A fool maybe, but a happy fool. And there's no fool like a happy fool...

What's my point? I don't really have one, but thinking about this has cemented an understanding that I've had for a long time. The universe chose me to have this cancer because I can handle it. I can use it to make me a stronger and better Jez. I know people who I love and people who I really hope never to have the misfortune of encountering again that my flirtation with mortality would have broken. I'd never wish cancer on my worst enemies, never mind my closest allies. I work with it, I live with it and at time I thrive from it. Of course, ideally none of us would have to wake up everyday and think about cancer within a few seconds of opening our eyes, but it's better that it's me than someone who it'd take into a state of oblivion. What I'm saying is, ideal or not, you can't keep a good man down. So bring it on, I'm coming right back at ya and you're gonna love it...

One Love

Jez

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