The voice of treason...

The voice of treason...

I've sort of got used to sounding like I've got a cleft palate. My old singing voice has deserted me in favour of this nasal whine and it's only when i meet new people that it's uncomfortable (more for them now, than me). Only a couple of months ago I was worried about talking to anyone on the phone, or meeting new acquaintances, but you know, we learn to live with our imperfections. I actually had a little sing-along in the car with Fi on Saturday, and although it was merely a hint towards my previously wonderful soprano tone, I loved it…

When I meet people who I haven't seen for a few weeks they always tell me my voice is getting better. I can't notice it on a daily basis, but I guess I’m learning to adapt and use my tongue, mouth and head muscles differently as time passes. One thing I did yesterday, which was encouraging was swallow differently. I had a cup of tea and used my soft palate muscles to create the swallow, rather than the ones I've used for almost 10 years. The hole must be genuinely be closing if this is the case. It would be a wonder of biology if it sealed itself up without any need for surgery. Bizarre, but wonderful. 

I wonder, if/when it closes, if I'll miss my speech impediment in some way. It's starting to become a part of my story, my persona and it may be a part of me that I have to learn to live without again. No hardship, but the brain is a strange beast. Familiarity creates comfort. I remember when i first started talking like this i had issues transferring my thoughts, where my voice was clear, into my speech, where my voice was unrecognisable. I'm now using much more deliberate allocution both in preparation and the delivery. Adapting, changing, learning to cope with the problem. 

The less I'm bothered about it, the less it seems to be an issue for other people to understand me too. I guess that this is the case for many speech impediments. Mine is a physical defect, but when I'm relaxed I can deliver my conversation with more clarity. When I've been out in the cold wind my voice sounds terrible for the first 10 mins afterwards and this is purely some sort of physical reaction to the freezing weather. It took several pints of local brews in a field in deep dark Somerset yesterday to shake off the 'Mouth Freeze'. The lengths I have to go to, just to be accepted as ‘normal’.

Tell you what though. “I had cancer, cancer didn't have me....”

One Love

Jez

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