Around the World in 80 hours (almost)....

Happy Friday!

I'm home. I think I've covered something like 700 miles of train track this week. Pretty heavy when only 2 of the 6 journeys managed to arrive on time, despite all of them leaving promptly. I made it, but I'm not impressed with the creaking old beast that is our rail network. 

I am impressed however, with the productvity of this week. I do believe that getting out and about really helps cement relationships and mitigate the distance that distance creates. I get the feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of time out of Bristol over the next few months in order to build the foundations for a stable income and business network. I'm hoping there won't be too many weeks like this one, although it as been eventful and emotional and ultimately a rewarding few days. I'm keen to crack on and do everything within my capacity to make the magic happen before the babies come and change my whole world completely.

The babies has been the most discussed topic this week. Everyone's interested, most in a kind of state of disbelief that I'm going to be a dad, to twins. People who've known me for many years just laughing at the thought of my having to handle nappies. Jez, the guy who's scared of babies, the guy who no-one thought would ever grow up. Well, I've got news for you lot, I'm all paternal and everything. I'm right up for it and I'm totally committed to changing my selfish ways for the greater good. However, Fi and I are very much our own unit. The social conditioning that surrounds new parenthood, all the expectancies and weird 'advice' people try to force upon to to justify their own existences really aren't relevant to us. We're going to play our own game and we're going ask for help when we need it. I have complete faith in Fi, she's going to be an incredible mum and everyone who knows her feels the same way (unlike the kind of muffled sniggers I see when people hear I'm going to be a dad!). 

Babies and Cancer actually. This week has had a right old dose of the big C too. I've shown my scars at every opportunity and I've spoken in depth about all sorts of deeply trenched thoughts. I've learned a lot about myself this week and I've finished the week feeling a little shaky. It wouldn't take much to send me over the edge tonight, but as shaky as I am, I'm not miserable, I'm upbeat and I'm looking forwards to the weekend and to next week. I've got loads to get on with after the weekend, starting with the car auctions on Monday in pursuit of a bargain family vehicle. A couple of meetings in Bristol on Tuesday and back to Royal Marsden for work on the denture on Wednesday. I'll never have a 9 - 5 existence, it isn't possible for me to follow a routine that most people consider 'normal'. It's like I thrive without routine and stability, without security and guarantees. The anxiety I create (or seems to follow me around), is horrible at times, but it somehow 'drives' me forward because I don't know how to be a 'passenger' to the threat of failure (thanks for the analogy Chris). I break down, I hit the deck and then i get up and go wild and push forward with avengance. Why this happens, I have no idea. 

What I do know though, is when these little Jezza's arrive my ability to handle no routine and stability is going to be an absolute Godsend! Fi on the other hand, will have 3 lunatics to look after. Poor sod, it's a good job I'm a loveable rogue...

One Love

Jez

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